Exercise#1: Identify your Core Values

This exercise was the foundation for my recovery . . . I'm doing it again; please do it with me.

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In this exercise, you will brainstorm a list of the characteristics and principles that are the most meaningful to us in a profound way. These are not the values that we’re taught by our parents, schools, churches, or peers. These are the values that we were born with or that become significant to us during our own, unique journey. As we grow in awareness of, acceptance of, and respect for our unique Core Values, we grow in confidence that we will always make the right decisions that will leave us feeling proud and fulfilled in our lives.

One way to do this exercise is to imagine an individual that you would really admire, respect, and trust under any circumstances. Describe all the traits that he or she exhibits.

Really dive into your heart in this exercise. Don’t be pressured to write down what you THINK you should value. For example, my coach kept pushing me to spend more time with friends in my recovery. It seems social relationships are considered therapeutic or even essential by therapists, counselors, and others in the mental health fields. And, in fact, I used to feel guilty, uncomfortable, and a lot of anxiety over the fact that I honestly preferred to be alone most of the time (unless it was a party – I love parties!). I adopted the “value” that being a loner was bad or unhealthy or just plain weird. When I pushed myself to spend time with friends, however, I almost always felt dissatisfied or even annoyed – unless, of course, I was drinking heavily. Just hanging out with friends, shopping, talking on the phone, whatever, hasn’t appealed to me since I was in high school. After some debate, my coach finally dropped it about how I should seek out more time with friends.

Other common “values” that I personally don’t value at all include shopping (I do it only when I need something), my appearance at work (no makeup, my hair is always in a ponytail, I wear pretty much only one pair of shoes, for ex.), socializing at work (my coach kept bugging me to go out to lunch once a week with co-workers), getting out of the house (I love being home), religion, helping my fellow man (I much prefer animals), or exercise.

Below, I’ve brainstormed a list of Core Values that may or may not apply to you. Since I wrote the list, I probably missed a large number of your valued characteristics. Go through the list and then do your own brainstorming. Develop a list of your own. It may be a bit redundant, as I’m sure my list is, but don’t be nit-picky. Just let the words flow out of you. The list can be very long or very concise.

When you’re done, go back and underline or bold the ones that are most important to you. Then, go back once more and pick the THREE characteristics you admire most, are the most heartfelt and most significant to you. Move them to the top of the list. I’ll post my own top three later.

The person I would most admire, respect, and trust above all others in any circumstance would be:

Calm

Patient

Peaceful

A mentor

Happy, joyful

Religious, faithful

Satisfied with her life and/or the world around her

Forgiving of herself and others

Able to easily let the past go and focus on each new day

Compassionate and understanding of others’ limitations, dysfunctions, ego

Able to allow others to be who they are; non-judgmental

Supportive of others’ beliefs, goals, and ideas, even if they are not in line with hers

Completely unattached to people, events, things, a particular opinion of how things should be

Gentle

Able to allow life to flow as it will

Accepting of the things she cannot change

Trusting of herself above all others

Respectful of her mind, Core Values, body

Courageous, particularly during uncertainty & unpredictability

Self-confident, self-secure that she can handle whatever comes along

Smiling and laughing a lot

Honest and open

Able to take risks toward her dreams every day

Able to try new things: adventures, perspectives, foods

Able to suppress ego in every decision, every act

Able to say “no” to anything that doesn’t serve her

Able to say “yes” to anything that might serve her

Decisive: she easily chooses the path that is most in line with her Core Values and her goals

Feels safe: not held back by fears

Independent: financially, socially, spiritually; doesn’t need anything from anyone

Optimistic: sees the upside in everything

Creative & resourceful: uses alternative perspectives to find solutions to any problem

Thankful, full of gratitude and appreciation for all things

Loving and kind to all, no matter how they treat her

Content and peaceful when alone and in a crowd

Proud of all her daily achievements: big and very, very small

Able to follow her heart in all decision-making

Generous and giving of herself regularly: her time, her attention & energy, her money

Energetic

Looking to meet new people, learn from them

Looking to learn and grow and change for the better every day

Careful with her body and health

Careful of her appearance

Bold & daring

Well respected in her job

Well respected in her community

Indulgent in dreaming of what she wants for herself; believes in her ability to achieve those dreams if they’re important enough to her

Thoughtful and considerate with others

Able to honor others easily and abundantly with love, respect, kindness, encouragement

Able to thoroughly enjoy and be thankful for all she is and has; she never compares herself with others;

Fulfilled

Close with lots of friends

Close with her family

Close with only one trusted friend

Close with one significant other of the opposite sex; a partner

Busy with lots of activities

Not at all busy with activities

Reading an inspirational book

Out socializing

Seeking out challenges

Appreciating when things are easy

Outdoorsy

Artsy

Sophisticated

Politically aware/involved

Most interested in helping:

children

animals

the environment

seniors

homeless

recovering addicts

poor women

immigrants

?

Comments

[Leigh]

Hi Michelle,

Just wanted to thank you for posting this. I recently added to my daily checklist that I would like to do one recovery exercise, either from a help site or one of my books, each day, and I am looking forward to starting with this tomorrow. I feel like I still have the need to clarify the vision of where I want to be and I know this will help. You clearly put a lot of time and effort into writing up this exercise for us and I wanted to let you know it's hugely appreciated!

Leigh

[Michelle Hope]

Hi Leigh.

The Exercises #1-3 that I post were so incredibly important to my recovery that I had to share them.

If you want help or a review, please just let me know at: michelle@michellehope.org.

With love,
Michelle