Results of the Dr. Ablow show experience

Hi all. I’m sorry I’ve been missing in action for so long. I’ve spent the last 2 weekends in Malibu with my boyfriend. And, I’ve been busy during the week as a single mom my dog (this is harder than it sounds!) and working on my next writing project. Even though I haven’t been writing here in the blog, I’ve pretty much been thinking, reading, and writing about recovery 24/7.

The most important thing I need to update you on is the Dr. Ablow show(s). I know I got many of you excited about the opportunity to be on the show and to contribute to the public discussion about binge eating and bulimia. I sincerely believed, from talking with the producer, that Dr. Ablow sincerely wants to help educate his audience about the truth and potentially even help us. I was excited about it, and I got many of you excited about it. Unfortunately for us as a group, the first taped show did not work out quite the way I had hoped.

Beth, at BingeBattles, actually went to NYC and completed a taping. She wrote to me about it; her email is here below.

The producers and staff were really great the whole time, getting background info, accommodating me, being patient, communicating, etc. A few days before the show, a crew filmed the intro with me, interviewing in the studio, walking around the city, etc. They had me say a lot of things over and over, because I understand editing is difficult and they need a lot to work with.  Anyway, the whole time I'd been talking with them, I made sure to discern that the main distinction of my problems is the obsession and addiction with eating, thinking about food, and purging.  I wanted people, especially younger girls to know that bulimia can take away friends, boyfriends, money, time, energy, intelligence, and all quality of life if you let it.  I told them that I felt like I have no motivation or self discipline anymore because of this, and that it all began with an ignorant (on my part) dieting attempt at age 16.  Well, there are more aspects to my story, but I thought that would be the focus since it is the addiction and primary source of my dysfunction. 

When I went to film the actual show, I found out the two other guests had body dysmorphic disorder.  The Dr. introduced me as someone who'd had 5 plastic surgeries in the search for perfection. Most of the clip they put together of me was talking about my looks or insecurities or procedures I'd had done, all of which are secondary in my mind to the obsession with food and sadness over what it has cost me. I had 3 separate surgeries over a 6 year period, and he made it seem like that was my obsession.  He asked how much I thought about getting more surgery (I don't bc I think my mind needs fixing and need to improve my education and graduate college most importantly) and made it seem like all I cared about was my looks.  I felt like they molded my story into something else, and will probably edit a lot out of the show, like when I said I think about food/eating way more than my appearance.  Also, I pointed out that bulimia doesn't help you lose weight and it can make you gain weight, and tried to convey that I don't value aesthetics more than intelligence or character. I don't value materialism or vanity in others, but I think that is what they wanted to magnify in my character.  I think I'm going to come off as fake and one dimensional.  The large message I wanted to put out there (dieting is addicting and can "innocently" lead to bulimia, which is more addicting) was not contributed, and I feel like I wasted my chance.  The only thing people will get from watching the show is that some girls go to extreme lengths to look better bc of their insecurities.  They will assume that bulimia serves mainly as a way to lose weight or look better. The impact of bulimia on people's lives will not be evident, and I fear the wrong conclusions will be drawn.

Do you think I'm out of line for being concerned? I wasn't angry or anything, because I trust psychiatrists and people who are nice to me. But I didn't get to ask the Dr. anything, and I think he liked to take the stories in a direction the audience would be more intrigued by.  He was nice, but not very personable. So I hope when they do your show, you can have your story told the accurate way, for yourself, and to help others out there.

I wrote her back:

I'm so sorry about your experience! That is not at all what I had envisioned or expected from talking with the producer! If you're not feeling positive about it - there's definitely something wrong.

Of course I care, by the way! I honestly believed this was a good opportunity for us to tell our story and improve the public's understanding of bulimia as an addiction that, just like for you, begins innocently enough and then ruins lives. I asked all my readers to consider doing this as a good thing - I really believed we wouldn't be exploited just to make a good show. But, it seems like that may be what happened. And, I feel responsible.

Marina told me all about what she had in mind for your show, and it wasn't at all like you described to me. Plus, she told me that they had a surprise for you - they were going to offer to send you to a longer-term recovery center than you were currently looking at and pick up the tab for everything your insurance wouldn't pay. Marina was horrified at how little insurance is willing to cover for eating disorders, and she wanted to make a point of it on the show. Please tell me at least they did that for you . . . ?

Listen, Beth, you didn't do anything wrong; you didn't "waste your chance." You trusted me and Marina and all the other people you talked with, and you took a risk for what you feel is right and important. It sounds like you worked really hard and did your absolute best to portray the really important aspects of your story - the aspects that could protect or provide a light of understanding to so many others. We'll see how the show turns out. But, if it turns out that they spin your story into something it's not, then I'm so very personally sorry. Please promise me that you won't take it hard or think you could have done anything differently. It looks to me like they had a particular show in mind, and they were going to get that show whether it was the truth or not.

You should feel very proud of your courage and boldness in putting yourself out there for all of us. You followed your heart and took a risk. The ability to do that will serve you very well in life. I'm really impressed with you, and you really should be, too. You're not responsible for how others spin your words. You're not responsible for how viewers interpret the show. It's too bad that Dr. Ablow is so desperate for ratings and fame that he can't present an honest show with good, honest, caring people who want to help others. He will have to answer to his own heart and soul for that someday, and it will cause him great sorrow and remorse. You, on the other hand, can stand up tall for following your heart, pushing through your fear and doubt, and going for it anyway!

If you don't mind, I'd really like to post your email and my response so others know. People are still emailing hoping and praying that the producers will pick them to do a show. Now, I need to show them how grateful they should be that they were not.

Again, Beth, thanks for standing up for us. We need people to do that - and keep trying to do that regardless of how others respond or potentially use us for their own benefit.

I am sorry, sweetie. I hope you can choose to interpret this whole thing as a very interesting, unique, perhaps wild experience that just didn't quite turn out the way you hoped.

Says George Bernard Shaw: "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing."

Says Keshavan Nair: "With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity."

And, lastly, says Susan B. Anthony: "Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."

Keep the words of these great people in mind, and write me anytime.

Thank you much for daring to create change. And, thanks for writing me with details of your adventure.

With much love and respect,

Michelle

Comments

[Palmtreechick]

Wow Michelle,

It's too bad that things got turned around the way they did. It unfortunate for Beth, you and everyone else that were willing to put themselves out there to try and help anyone who may see the show. I feel bad for you and Beth because neither of you had anyway of knowing what would happen. I'm not saying this will happen with the show, but tv does a wonderful (or horrible) depending upon how you see it, of editing. Editors can make the nicest person look like a horrible person, or vice-versa. They can turn anything into anything.

Michelle, I hope you had a great vacation and it wasn't too stressful for you. Glad you're back.
:) ptc

[Heather Fougnier]

Hi Michelle -- and Beth -- I am sorry to hear about the show. I want both of you to know that you have already contributed so much to the understanding of bulimia through your blogs. People who need this information will find more truth in your blogs than they'd ever find on TV -- I acknowledge you for that!

With love,
Heather

[lisa]

michelle,
i was just wondering.what was your experience when working on the show?was it like beth described?
I am sorry for the way that it appears this has turned out.please keep us posted as to what happens
love always
lisa

[Michelle Hope]

Oh, guys - thanks so much for your support! That means a lot!

Lisa - I actually haven't spoken with the producer in about 3 weeks or so. I knew she was working on putting together Beth's and Mandy's shows. I figured she just decided not to include a recovered person's story. That really makes sense considering it's Dr. Ablow's show and all, but yet it was a coach that finally helped me while regular doctors never could.

I really thought Marina (the producer) and I were on the same page about their goals for the show(s). And, perhaps they'll still get our message out there . . . but it seems at this point that they're dramatizing and spinning real people's stories in order to do it. I can't condone that since it's not at all fair or kind to do that to people, especially since we're already very sensitive about our truths.

Hopefully, Beth will keep us posted on the air date so we can all support her. And, if it turns out that they really manipulate her story - we can all mobilize to get the word out and tell the truth. We bloggers have a strong presence and voice online. We can make an impact.

Thanks again everyone!

Love,
me

[karen]

Michelle
I am really sorry about the turn of events I was afraid that would happen
I told you about my friend the Registered Dietiton who went on the Dr Berman sisters show on lifetime and they wouldnt let her speak honestly
Hugs
KAren

[Beth]

Michelle,
I am so sorry I just read your posting and must have foolishly overlooked or not received your email response. Thank you, though, for your kind regards. I do hope that my interpretation doesn't hinder you or any of the other women from going on the show. As a motivator and expert, you NEED to be on the show they eventually do about bulimia. I wouldn't want anybody to miss out just because I felt (in my mind) that I was slightly mislead or put on the wrong show. It probably is a good opportunity if one is prepared to have only a certain aspect of their issue discussed, and doesn't expect time with the Dr. after the cameras cut. There is a lot of preparation for a short, very guided segment, but if you look at it as contributing to a specific theme, rather than "sharing your story," you won't be surprised. Just dont assume the show's theme is bulimia, unless you ask a few times!!
They found a nutritionist here fore me to see who specialized in ed's, which is nice, even though I've been to a few of those before. I think an inpatient program would have been way too expensive anyway. Well, I still hope my email didn't discourage you or any of your readers from participating in the show. I want this show on bulimia to be a success and make an impact, even if I wasn't involved, so good luck!

[Brittany]

I was on the same show with beth. I was upset about some things of the show too.

[Michelle Hope]

Hello Brittany. Welcome to my blog - I don't think I've met you before. Thanks for coming over and sharing your thoughts with us.

Can you tell us more about it? Did they "spin" your story, too?

I'm also curious - how did the audience respond?

[Brittany]

Well they had me under the impression that I could either sit on the side of the audience or sit in front of them. So I was a little nervuos and I said I guess I will just sit on the side. They had told me that they will not make an issue out of this. Well the first thing keith says when he is talking with me on the show is brittany is sitting here because she was too emberassed to be seen in front of the audience.. that wasn't even true.. It wasn't that i was emberassed.. I was just nervous.. But if I had known that he was going to make an issue out of it than I would have sit in front of the audience. Than he is like do u think u can the strength to walk in front of the audience with me. I said yea..(in the back of my mind I was so pissed they made such an issue out of this)Than as I am in front of the audience he asks how I feel to be in front of the audience.. So at that point I was so mad that I started crying and I made up this lie why I was cryingbecause I didn't want to say that he had pissed me off for making me look like I had some issue that I didn't. My issue was that I had been in an abusive relationship and that had really lowered my self esteem..I also know that I had told the producers that I did not want to talk about my boyfriend either because he would have been pissed. I still do not understand though why keith focused on my moving as my issue.. I know thats not my issue because I only moved 3 times. and all this moving took place when I was younger. I have had low self esteem for a long time ever since I was 13.. I was bulemic and anorexic.. I got over that though by myself.. So my only issue now is that I have low self esteem from this unhealthy relationship I am in.