A tragedy

In the face of tragedy, a good mantra:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

And, let go . . .

Comments

[tracey]

Hey Michelle I hope you and your flatmate is doing okay, I read the post on the wee doggie and my heart goes out to you all... xx

[Michelle Hope]

Thanks, Tracey. I'm sorry you saw that whole post. I took it down since I really don't want to depress everyone - I want people to come here for inspiration and encouragement. Of course, writing it all out here helped a lot in getting my emotions and thoughts straight. So, I'm glad I wrote it, but I don't want it to be a permanent part of my blog.

I'm feeling much better. I was out at the Malibu house with Todd and all the dogs (there are 5 of them there!) on Saturday and Sunday. And, I got to get out on the water in a kayak and on Todd's new stand-up surf board. Being on the water is where I find my most peace and calm, and it was like wonderful medicine for me.

Today, I donated to one of my favorite animal charities (BestFriends.org) in Simba's name. Taking SOME kind of action is always very helpful in elevating my mood because I no longer feel so helpless and out of control. I learned that from my coach, and it hasn't failed to work yet.

Of course, taking time to mourn is very important. I took 2 days to cry all I wanted and really FEEL my sadness and loss. After that, I knew it was time to work on feeling good again. And, taking action makes me feel good about myself and gives me hope again.

[Tracey]

You're completely sweet about taking the post down and not wanting to depress people. I've had a very loved pet go the same way and I think it's so sad but beautiful how we can all LOVE so much as well... I'm liking your suggestion about doing something kind to help me feel good

[Annette]

I also read the entire post about your roomate's lost pup. Although it was very sad, I don't believe it was depressing. I found it to be reinforcing. It reinforced the idea that it is ok to feel awful about these things, but that you can go on after loss. I always have to remind myself that depression and sadness are two very different things. Everyone has to give themself permission to feel sad, and sometimes mourn. Its when you don't take that time that the feelings build and become too much too handle.
Again I am so sorry for you household loss.

[Michelle Hope]

Hello Annette. Thank you so much for writing that. You are so completely right on.

I have learned a LOT about myself this week. I always knew that I suffered a lot of loss as a young child, and I always knew that I made many of my decisions around my deep fear of loss. But, I just realized that I never really learned how to deal with it, although I thought I did. I thought I was just smart about loss, but now I clearly see that I just work really hard at not having things in my life that I open my heart to so that they can't be taken away and leave me with that awful, powerless, helpless, hopeless feeling of loss.

I'm working on a post on loss today. I hope to have it up later today or tomorrow. I've been thinking and feeling a lot in this last week. I can't say I've got myself "healed" about loss (or even this loss in particular), but I'm optimistic that I've at least uncovered some dirt about my subconscious motivations. I'm at the beach house right now for the weekend. But, this week when I'm alone at home, I'm going to do a "Lauren Mellin cycle" on loss and try to really work through it. Do a search on my blog for her, and you'll see what I'm talking about - my Internet here is VERY slow, so I'm not going to go find it now.

Plus, I had a weird gift from the universe this week around depression and sadness. On Friday, a coworker who I don't talk with very often actually brought me two books he had told me about about a year ago (or more?). We had once had a deep conversation about spiritual (non-religious) matters, and he promised to bring me these 2 awesome books of his. After a year or more, for some reason, he remembered to bring them to me - right when I couldn't need them more. On top of that, he pointed out one of his favorite parts -about how people need to really embrace their sadness - make a ritual out of it. We need a sacred "sad" place where we can go to just cry and wail and roll on the floor if we need to. A place where we can dance or yell or do whatever we need to do, for as long as we need to, until we begin to heal inside. The book says that is one of the bigger problems we have today - for whatever reasons (too busy, too "strong," whatever) we deny our soul's needs to be heard and honored for whatever it needs, including time to be really, really sad.

How is THAT for a coincidence?

I know I made a few mistakes in how I handled the loss of my roommate's baby. I went to work the next day and tried to be a trooper, when I really should have taken the day off, locked myself in my room, and just mourned. It's ok that many other people wouldn't get so shaken by this - *I* am shaken, and I need to ALLOW myself to mourn in the way I need to. I had judged my extreme sadness as irrational, too time-consuming, and not to be indulged in. You can see it in my last comment - I gave myself 2 days to mourn like crazy, but then I decided that it was time to get happy again. But, I didn't really "deal" with the loss - I still haven't learned a great way to deal with loss at all.

Boy, my soul got me back for my poor judgments - I've been almost incapacitated with emotion (sadness, anger, apathy) for a week now, even as I try to deny it and ignore it. More later, my friends.

[Sharon]

My condolences to all of you in the aftermath of this tough time. Simba seemed like a furry ball of pure love. I hope Maxi is is not suffering too much :(

[Michelle Hope]

Aww, thanks, Sharon. Simba really was so precious and wonderful, in the tiniest little package.

I don't think Maxi or our other dogs really know yet - Todd took them to the beach the day after we lost Simba, and they haven't been back to the house yet. Of course, for that one day, all any of us did was cry.