"How did you cope with your bulimia?"

Ashley asked me a good question tonight:

I was just wondering what ways you found helpful in coping with your bulimia.  I'm really struggling now and could use any help!

I wrote:

Hi Ashley.

Before I was really "ready" to start the recovery process by working with my coach, it was helpful spiritually to at least stop judging myself as such a disgusting disaster and accept that just because I had an unhealthy coping mechanism, it didn't mean I was a complete failure in life or that I wouldn't be able to still accomplish some amazing, wonderful things in my life. I chose to do as much as I could and live life as much as I could, even with my limiting "condition." That helped a lot. That attitude kept me from sinking into a paralyzing depressing and hopelessness. I went back to school, I kept decent jobs, I ate as well as I could, I took care of myself as well as I could. I seized opportunities for adventure and friendship and love to the extent that I could. When I couldn't, I was sad, but I would forgive myself and keep getting up and trying again.

However, I wish someone would have told me back then what I’m always writing in my blog: you’re never going to get better with your current life skill set and knowledge. Your ways of interpreting, thinking and reacting are what got you in this mess. Maybe it will take years, but you need to get started today on learning and trying out alternatives. Take baby steps. Get your butt to the library and start reading some good spiritual (I don’t mean religious) stuff. You need a textbook for life – get out and start looking for it. Start with the book list on the right side of my blog. Talk about what you’re reading and trying out – share it with others. Blog about it!

I hope you're doing as well as you can and trying to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

With love,

Michelle

Comments

[Sophie]

Hi, I just wanted to thank you for your great advice on this blog. I'm having a really difficult time at the moment and is quite familiar with that sense of paralyzing depression which seems to hit me almost every day. There seems to be no hope sometimes but I will try to follow your advice about reading some literature and changing my perception one step at a time.

[Michelle Hope]

Sophie, please try to be kind and gentle with yourself. It's not your fault you learned to turn to bulimia to calm yourself and interrupt, even for just a little while, the paralyzing mental chaos and low-grade panic that make every little decision and task feel impossible.

You've got to give yourself a break. You would be kind to someone else in the same situation, wouldn't you?

It's not your fault, sweetie. You've always done the very best you could with the limited and sometimes slightly cock-eyed tools you were given as a child. The bulimia at this time is helping you to just survive and function.

At some point, though, you have to accept responsibility for learning all the coping skills you never knew. Learning new things and trying them out in your life, even when you're scared to death, is incredibly empowering and courage-building.

You can do anything you want to do in your life, but you need to first learn how, and then you have to practice, practice, practice. You will fall on your face (kind of like doing math problems incorrectly when you're just learning how to do math), but as you keep getting up, learning what you did wrong, and trying it again, you get stronger and stronger. And, pretty soon, it all seems easy. Then, you move on to the next challenge.

That's life. And, quite honestly, that's what keeps it interesting and makes us better and better people.

My next post is about how I've been falling on my face at my new job a lot. But, I keep getting up and trying again. It's been scary to me, but I'm getting stronger and more confident and smarter every day. And, that is making me very proud of myself and very excited about what I'm accomplishing.

Hi Michelle,
I have been battling this disease, as a prominent healthcare professional, for 14 years. I don't know anything else that I could do for 14 years; it's a shame that hating myself has gone on this long.

I am really, really, really sick of me allowing myself to continue this destructive pattern that I do not want to engage in anymore. Or do I? Why do I continue to let myself do this?

I need help on where to start. My fear is admitting this problem to others...how did you?

[CookieGirl]

Michelle, just want to say posts like this give me so much hope for the day ahead of me. I admire you so much!
Love, CG