I got another email from my cousin about what happened when my dad died 2 years ago and no one told me. She said that Sandy, my step-mother, had asked my closest cousin to please tell me. He said he would. But, he didn't. Once I found that out, I had to talk with Sandy immediately. I couldn't bear to think that she thought I had been told about my dad's death and yet I never called her.
I was petrified, but I called her anyway.
We ended up talking for an hour, mostly about the last year of my dad's life. Sandy thinks he knew he was really sick and dying long before she did. He took her on the most amazing 4 month cruise around the world. He was quite sick on the cruise, but he managed to make it incredibly special and memorable for Sandy. He planned a surprise birthday dinner for her with the ship's captain and higher crew in one of the ship's exotic ports of call. Sandy said he was the most loving and attentive and generous as he had ever been. I was really happy to hear they had created those special memories.
My favorite thing I learned today was that when my dad started getting sick, Sandy gave him the best gift I could ever think of getting him: a puppy. Dad & Sandy had always had dogs, but Sandy said that he had never had a puppy. The problem is that puppies are an incredibly amount of work. But, that was all part of her gift. SHE walked & fed the puppy. SHE got up every two hours during the night to house-train the puppy. But, she let the puppy sleep between them at night. And, I know that brought an incredible amount of comfort and love to my dad. It was the perfect gift. And, now Sandy has a constant, loyal and most loving companion. I'm happy about that, too.
I apologized to Sandy for all our family crap. She had walked into a wasp's nest of craziness in 1974 or so, and she stuck through it all. And, I don't think I said it to her because my phone battery ended up dying before I was ready, but I really want to say how thankful I am to her for sticking with my dad and taking such good care of him and loving him for decades, even though we all knew that he was not the easiest man to love or live with. I'm going to write her a note of thanks.
I'm happy that I reconnected with her after all these years. I grew up with Sandy as my mom #2, and even though we clearly didn't always agree, I know that she will always love me, and I hope she knows that I will always love her. She put so much energy and time and money into entertaining and educating us while we were young. She's one reason (of a thousand) why I don't have my own children. She exemplified how I think children SHOULD be raised, but I know I don't have the creativity, energy, or motivation to do even half of the things she did for us. She was a good mom.
And, my dad was a good man. He did the very best he could.
Such an inspirational blog. thank you for putting this up for others with disorders to read.
Posted by: me | Saturday, June 05, 2010 at 08:09 PM